Coffee: what does it say about you?
Some body language “experts” have written a book called The You Code, and in it have analysed the following coffee choices, which if nowt else, is worth a laugh on a Sunday:
THE ESPRESSO DRINKER – James and Moore describe the espresso as “the unfiltered cigarette of the coffee drinking world”. Espresso drinkers tend to be moody, hard-bitten and hard working. They are into leadership and fast goals. They don’t suffer fools but are hard living and prone to “night-time shenanigans, followed by a rather louche attempt at day time repair”. The espresso drinker can be an experienced, exciting and consummate lover but is not known for reliability or unswerving loyalty.
THE BLACK COFFEE DRINKER – This type is al about minimalism and takes a no-frills, direct approach to life.
The black coffee drinker can be quiet and moody but prone to brief bursts of extroversion. “A difficult but potentially rewarding friend, colleague or partner,” James and Moore conclude.
THE LATTE DRINKER – Typically metrosexuals or cuddly-toy collectors, latte drinkers are pleasers with an overwhelming compulsion to be liked. A latte drinking boss will use a baby voice to tell you off.
By taking a dark and dangerous drink and turning it into a comforting milky bedtime beverage, James and Moore say, latte drinkers reveal that while they may want to come across as hot shot contenders, they have an immature side.
THE CAPPUCCINO DRINKER – What’s not to like about the extroverted, optimistic cappuccino drinker? Like their drink, cappuccino drinkers are all froth and bubble, bored by detail and liking – but not obsessed with – material objects. “Freud would have a field day here,” write James and Moore. “Cappuccino froth gives the tongue the mother of all workouts and is all to do with the physicality of the experience rather than the basic consumption of the beverage.” The cappuccino drinker enjoys sex but is easily bored by an unimaginative partner.
THE INSTANT COFFEE DRINKER – These are cheerful, straight forward types, who like a laugh and live by the maxim “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. But instant coffee drinkers can be unadventurous in their careers and need to let others see the hidden depths in their personality. The no-nonsense instant coffee drinker is allergic to pretentious behaviour, say James and Moore, and they are likely to keep their socks on during sex.
THE DECAF SOY MILK DRINKER – A self-righteous eco-worrier and attention seeker with a tendency to be picky, fussy – and squeamish in the bedroom. What’s more, this faux choice implies a pretentious, high-maintenance type who wants what they can’t have and is disguising their true personality. “If caffeine gives palpitations and cow’s milk brings you out in spots there’s little hope for you in the cockroach society that is city dwelling”, James and Moore conclude.
THE FRAPPUCINO DRINKER – Flighty and shallow, the frappucino drinker will try anything once – especially if a celebrity has done it first. They fancy themselves trend setters but send out the message that they are someone who favours style over substance. The frappucino drinker’s relationships often last as long as their drink choice, according to James and Moore.
THE NON-COFFEE DRINKER – Unfortunately, the verdict isn’t good. Frightened of coffee equals frightened of life, say James and Moore. If the taste of coffee puts you off you really are a child, they say, and it’s time to join the world of grown ups. But there’s hope. “Twenty one days is all it will take to break your cycle of disgust and then you’ll be back in the real world.”
No mention however of the Flat White – which means they need to get out more, or they dont come from New Zealand. The Flat White is the epitome of New Zealand Coffee, particularly in Wellington. Without it – all business in the city would grind to a halt, the government would collapse, everyone would turn in to zombies, and starting eating each others brains in a desperate attempt to drain the last dregs of caffiene from the poor sod who got in their way.
And then, we would all have to go back to drinking TEA!
It doesn’t even bear thinking about!
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A sense of humour is invaluable :)
It’s times like these when you either go loopy – or laugh your head off. Preferably over coffee or wine with good friends as you watch thier jaws drop to the table in awe at just how much trouble one person can attract.
(Thanks to Maggie, Shayne, Pam and Steve for the company and laughs this week).
While it is all very serious, and highly annoying – I cant help but see the funny side of things: whether its the fact that I could possibly be breaking the law – or you somehow have to convince a Kiwi to hold a job open for 18 months - having a sense of humour really does help deal with things.
So – I just roared with laughter when I saw yesterdays Dilbert Cartoon in the Dom Post. Somedays it does feel like Scott Adams is watching over our shoulder.
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There’s a new Cost of Living Index for New Zealand
This New Zealand Life has come up with what I personally think is (probably) the coolest cost of living index. Basically cos it involves coffee.
Introducing the 178 Cuba, Flat White cost of living index
Its nice to take a break from the last week of Train Wrecks regarding emigrating to New Zealand.
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Should Wellington be Pedestrianised?
There is an interesting article in the Dom Post today – about whether or not the city of Wellington should be made more Pedestrian Friendly. The call comes from Sir Robert Jones – not a man known to pull his punches when it comes to voicing his opinion. Good man!
He apparently even said that Wellington’s Café culture was “crap” compared to Europe’s! I actually disagree with that on the basis that our coffee is way better! However the point he is making here is that we just don’t have the ability to sit outside and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in the sun without choking on car or bus fumes. And we certainly can’t have a lingering chat over the coffee with a friend because of the noise.
Lambton Quay Shopping
The Mayor of Wellington, while agreeing with Sir Robert, claims that Wellington is too “young” to make it pedestrian-friendly. Hmm – what on earth does that mean???
It has to turn the equivalent of 18 before we hand it the keys???
I would love to see Lambton Quay become pedestrianised. It’s the main shopping street in the city – and it would be lovely to meander more easily. It would also be lovely to sit and drink coffee outside. What I don’t understand is that Christchurch has a lovely pedestrian only shopping area in the city – which makes wandering round much more relaxed and pleasant – and Auckland has the Vulcan Lane area to wander round.
So I’m firmly with Sir Robert Jones on this! Get traffic out of the shopping and café areas – and really give Wellington a bit of polish!
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