Dec 11

New Zealand’s 12 “Epic Failures” of 2012.

As reported in the Dom Post last  week- no Pom whinged in the making of this list.

Asset Sales: John Key can tell us he expected a few problems with the partial privatisation of state-owned energy companies till he is blue in the face but there’s no way he thought all those mum and dad investors wouldn’t be putting little parcels of Mighty River shares under the tree for the kids this Christmas.

Being held up while water right are fought over in the courts.Sheesh.

Bus Lanes: Wellington City Council’s cunning plan to make buses go faster probably didn’t involve slowing golden mile traffic to a snail’s pace or turning pedestrians into human skittles. The barriers on Willis St did work but had to come down when we needed to control all those role-playing backpackers in town for The Hobbit premiere.

it was supposed to shave 10 seconds of the across-town trip. The new pedestrian crossing at Chews Lane on Willis St has a red-light time of 8 seconds. Was it really worth it? Of course – some of the bus drivers do try and make up for lost time!

The Syrian uprising: Tunisia, Libya, Egypt – they can all get rid of their oppressive regimes with a couple of protest marches, a few dozen mobile phones and a Facebook page. Bashar al-Assad is proving a little harder to shift.

The extradition of Kim Dotcom: Had the FBI and its friends in New Zealand law enforcement had their way, the larger than life German would be eating porridge in Gitmo by now but thanks to some truly impartial judges and a string of bungles and blunders, he’s now a New Zealand resident and local hero.

I, along with a lot of people just wish he would shut up and go away.

Shane Cameron: The Mountain Warrior’s last performance reduced one sports journalist to tears. His management must be having problems finding opponents who haven’t already beaten the snot out of him.

Mike Tyson’s visit: All the PR spin in the world wasn’t going to convince the Government to make an immigration exception for a man who has been touring the States making jokes about the woman he was convicted of raping. He might be a great role model but only for pit bulls, misogynists and criminals.

Sometimes – Immigration policy just works!

Drug cheats: Lance Armstrong learnt you can’t fool all of the people all of the time and, after years of running from the truth, went awfully quiet when stripped of his titles. At least he made Nadzeya Ostapchuk look like an amateur for trying to cheat our Val out of her Olympic gold medal.

David Cunliffe: (Labour MP)To have a conspiracy to overthrow your political leader you need at least one other person to conspire with and it is a really good idea to shut up about it in the meantime. It takes real talent to make David Shearer (Labour Leader) look tough and mean but Mr Cunliffe managed to achieve that.

Its a farce. So busy stabbing each other in the back – I don’t even know what their policies are – except whinging about anything the other parties say.

Hekia Parata: So the Budget backdown on funding for manual classes was embarrassing but the debacle over Novopay and open revolt at the way Christchurch schools are being restructured suggests she may be finding the Cabinet curriculum a little too demanding.

Novopay – a new “Pay system” that appears to have left many teachers across New Zealand without any income for the past three months. Absolutely shocking situation – should probably blog in more detail about this to be honest.

Paul Henry on Aussie breakfast telly: Both people who watched the show thought he was appalling which just goes to prove it isn’t always our best and brightest who make the jump across the ditch.

The anti-fracking campaign: You can show someone setting tap water on fire a million times over but that doesn’t mean hydraulic fracturing causes earthquakes, global warming or Aids. Having asked the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment to investigate, the Greens now have their hemp knickers in a knot because she did and found no immediate cause for concern.

Marmite: In a supposedly developed country like New Zealand why has it taken more than a year to set up new production facilities to make a yeast spread. We’ve all tried the alternatives but they just aren’t the same. If we can bring back the Choco-ade biscuit, why can’t we make Marmite?

Just had to be there didn’t it? And once again – Kiwi’s whinging about lack of Marmite due to a fricken earthquake. Perhaps some perspective is needed. As much as I my loath Sanitarium – they didn’t actually flatten their own factory fro crying out loud!

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1 comment

  1. Sophie

    If you would ever like a school payroll admin’s view of Novopay, just ask.

    I can accept payment in the form of cash, direct credit, or their servers’ GPS location and a loaded rocket launcher.

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