Summer Xmas cards
One of the curiosities of Xmas in the summer is sending greetings cards. The vast majority of which still show idyllic little villages covered in snow, while Santa treks across a field with a sack full of toys. No we all know this isn’t true, Santa flies everywhere with his anti-gravity reindeer – why would he walk?
But anyway, the quandary then becomes, where’s an Xmas card of a typical southern hemisphere Xmas idyll? Apart from Pohutukawa tree’s, there are some, just tricky to find. Of course, if I’d written this before Xmas we’d also have examples of the one’s we sent out – so all I can show you at the moment is the one for Avalon.
So, Santa’s secret is revealed – he is actually The Stig’s twin brother and when not busy they spend all their time in hammocks at the beach!
A blog in support of Whale Oil.
On the 5th January, Cameron Slater, the author of the Whale Oil blog will be in court on charges of breaking the Name Suppression orders in the “Entertainer” case and the “Olympian” Case. WhaleOil blogged pictures that “could” lead to the identification of the people charged in these cases. And that’s not allowed. Unsurprisingly – he received the summons just before Christmas, when lawyers are on holiday, and wont be back till after his court date. Sometimes this is a horrifyingly corrupt country!
(Note: the Whale Oil blog contains a lot of bad language – so please don’t go on there if you are likely to be offended.)
If found guilty, he faces a $1000 fine. Which is more than the “entertainer” got for sexually assaulting a 19 year old girl as he was acquitted. Not that he denies doing it – just that it wasn’t a crime.
The entertainer had admitted performing an indecent act on a teenage girl who has since spoken out against the court’s decision as she wanted the public to know his name.
Says it all really.
Oddly – its also 100 times less of a fine for breaching a court order, than I would get for giving someone advice on how to emigrate to new Zealand. Which also says much about the crap state of the law in New Zealand. Farcical is a good word I think.
I think there would be less problems with people having nothing but contempt for these laws is they a/ made sense, and b/ were applied fairly. But when name suppression is granted at the drop of a hat for “celebrities” – it becomes a joke.
And why is Cameron Slater being singled out for a kicking???
Ok, he’s a political blogger and has frankly pissed off a lot of people. But lets just take a look at this entertainer thing for a moment. I found out the name of the guy (didn’t know who the hell he was mind you) on Yahoo Answers – it came up in a Google search. Is that person also being summoned to court? And what about John Key – the Prime Minister – he was on TV a few weeks back talking about this and it seems he asked someone who he thought would know – and found out that way. Now if our Prime Minister thinks so little of this name suppression law that he feels he can just ask someone who it is – then it’s a joke. I mean – name suppression doesn’t just mean you can’t tell anyone who the accused is – surely the whole point of it means you do not have the right to know who it is. And yet – the Prime minister himself went on National TV and told us all he went and found out. But a Blogger gets hauled to court because he apparently published the informtion (even if he actually didn’t), and the law actually only makes it illegal to publish the name.
I have no answers – but I hope Cam Slater makes a fine job of his day in court. If we need a name suppression law (and its supposed to be there to protect the victim not a debauched entertainer who cant keep he’s bits in his pants) – then it has to be applied fairly. Which means everyone gets the same crack at name suppression – and there’s an end to this “Permanent name suppression” for people who are “celebrities”. They are criminals. Start treating them like it.
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So how did Christmas go?
Well, it seems we still failed utterly to do the “kiwi thing” and spend up large in an orgy of last minute consumerism and boxing day sales. Instead we chilled out at home, sat on the deck, swam in the pool, ate good food and watched a few movies. We would have gone to the beach except that since yesterday the weather took a turn for the worse and its rather crap.
Apparently. Despite everyone having no money, and there being a recession on and all– Kiwi’s spent a record amount this year in the shops – a whopping $10,000,000 more than last year. And then topped it off with another record spend up of over $100,000,000 on boxing day.
We on the other hand seem to have spent a record low .
I have worked out though – its not the summer Christmas itself I can’t cope with – it’s actually rather nice to be able to have a swim in the pool before dinner (after getting all the food ready), to be able to sit out in the sun and be warm. And its lovely to head to the beach in the days after Christmas – which has to be more fun than queuing up to spend money in the Warehouse surely? It really is just the run up to the day that I can’t get the hang of. Once we get to Christmas Eve – and I’m making chocolates, making trifle and getting the stuffing ready – I’m fully on board and in the mood for Christmas. And as soon as the wine starts mulling (can do without it – but in deference to summer we drink it chilled) – then I’m away!
One of the really cool things about Christmas here as an expat is that you do have this wonderful opportunity to make new family traditions. While many of us do keep a lot of our old traditions – I just have to have turkey for dinner – we get to make up new ones (pre-dinner swim, boxing day at the beach, hand making chocolates).
It may not be Christmas the same way it used to be, but there’s still family involved, and that’s all that matters for us.
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Christmas humour
I hope everyone is having a wonderful christmas, whether moving to New Zealand is still a dream, or you are here already.
The Rocking Carol
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.
Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus.
Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A suitable and sufficient risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on.
The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.
Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields.
To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer.
Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions – including suspension on full pay – will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.
Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles.
The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled ‘little’ and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable – as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ‘Cash for Gold’ etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions under the COSHH Regulations . A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest , safest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Face masks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the dusty road surface .
And because I just can resist a dig at all those companies too tight to give payrises – let alone bonuses 
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The financial crisis explained
As explained by a ‘banker’ -- thanks to The Now Show (18/12 again);
“In laymans terms it works like this; if you get yourself into financial difficulty, say you fail to manage your own finances properly and are incompetent enough to get yourself into enormous debt, with absolutely no hope of paying it back -- the bank takes your money.
If on the other hand your bank fails to manage it’s finances properly, is incompetent enough to get itself into enormous debt with absolutely no hope of paying it back -- the bank takes your money.
It’s really very simple”
Which also reminds me of The Two John’s, explaining the financial crisis {watch with some irony for the Google ad’s for GE Money, Kiwibank etc.. -- hmm, someone didn’t think about what to exclude from the key words};
Dr Seuss does COP15
In case anyone missed it, world leaders took (emission offset) flights, along with 15,000 others (more emission offset) to Copenhagen to save the planet the other week. There were some protestors, who burnt things -- I’m not sure that quite follows with the whole not emiting any CO2, ho hum.
Here’s a summary from Dr Seuss, courtesy of The Now Show, 18/12/09, Marcus Brigstocke.
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The issues of Christmas cookery.
If like me – you think Delia Smith’s Christmas is your bible – you may find you need to make one or two changes to your usual Christmas cooking. I still insist of cooking a proper UK style Christmas dinner – rather than the more traditional Kiwi Ham – but that’s just a taste thing. The problem comes with stuffing, turkeys and gravy.
I can now get decent sausage meat from my amazing butchers, who use a UK seasoning in their sausages – so I’m not overpowered by the addition of ginger. Chestnuts are not in season – but thankfully you can get vacuum packed tins of whole chestnuts. (Try Deli’s or Moore Wilsons). However, as far as I can see – if you want to make Delia’s Giblet Gravy – you are stuffed.
Over the past few years I have fought to get fresh turkeys at Christmas, and finally gave up because I just cant be arsed to deal with the snotty comments from shop staff anymore. So this year I have a frozen 1.4kg Turkey Breast. But no giblets. In fact – none of the fresh turkeys had giblets either. So I thought I would wander round a few butchers while doing my last minute shopping, and ask if I could get some separately.
Oh Dear.
What I learned – is that they don’t actually know what giblets are. Now fair enough – I wouldn’t use them for anything (I think that Offal has no place on a plate of food I am actually going to eat) – except it’s the recipe for Delia’s Gravy, and its actually very nice. Not that I’m bad at making gravy without them but hey – this is the way I like to make dinner. So just in case I do need some stock (I usually have enough juices from roasting meat so that I don’t need it) – ive made some chicken stock form left over carcasses of roast chickens.
You also of course have to watch out for the fact that most Turkeys sold here are in fact not 100 turkey – they are injected with brine to make them more moist. As I’ve never roasted a turkey yet that came out dry – and I refuse to eat meat that is stuffed full of sugar – I think this is a travesty. Avoid Tegal chickens and turkey if you too think that there is no need to inject meat with all sorts of guff in order for it to taste edible.
This year – we have also had to make our own Christmas chocolates – because Dorothy’s in Wellington has closed down. They used to sell Sugar Free Chocolates (we cant eat sugar in this house), and that’s very rare indeed. We can get bars of the stuff from Schoc, but although they do fabulous chocolates – none of them are sugar free. So we spent large sums of money on some of the bars, and spent yesterday merrily making truffles with it (Using Delia’s Recipe modifies to take the sugar out).
And I can heartily recommend that you get a tin of Schoc’s Cocoa Powder. I’ve just made a low carb (also Gluten free) chocolate cake out of it (with Splenda and ground almonds instead of sugar and flour), and its come out the richest, chocolatiest cake I’ve ever made. I’m about to use it to make the chocolate custard to add to the cake (Nigella’s Black Forest Trifle – modified). It’s better than Green and Blacks – and that is saying something.
Right – now off to clean the pool – its a glorius day out there, and the pool says its 26 degrees – so we may be going for a dip later.
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Sales? What Sales???
Filed under: Cost of living, Economics, General Budgeting
It said on the news yesterday (so it must be true) that shops were offering pre-christmas discounts to get us all spending money in a recession. And today – we had to pop briefly into the Westfield Queensgate shopping center in Lower Hutt, to have a look at cameras. You see ours packed up, and I’m bored of using Hubby’s iPhone as a camera with its complete lack of zoom and flash.
So we figured we would make the most of the “bargains”.
Well for a start – if theres still a recession on in New Zealand (and if there’s an ounce of fact in the whole “Kiwi’s are not consumerist” ) – you couldn’t tell today from the masses of bags that people were carrying and the sheer number of people in the centre. We looked quite out of place with no logo-emblazened shopping bags full of presents.
And if Dick Smiths has a sale on – it sure as hell wasn’t on cameras. At least – if they were discounting with the few “Hot Deals” we saw – they werent telling you what the normal retail price was. Not that I trust stores to tell the truth on this issue – Briscoes being teh worst crooks for blatantly marking up the retail price to show a “Sale Price”.
So we took some notes on the cameras we liked – and have to now go check on the internet to find the best price. I do hate not being able to trust stores about thier pricing. Oddly enough – the Canon website doesnt list any recommended retail prices – which is less than helpful. A quick scan of the Noel Leeming website site shows once of the cameras at $100 less (on a $350 camera). I guess the bargains are out there is you have the energy to look.
It’s at this point that I remain forever grateful that my entire family is obsessed with reading, and we can generally sit back – ignore the shops and the rush, and order online.
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My year in status on Facebook
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How much to spend at Christmas?
You can tell its Christmas here, not by the snow, of which there is a distinct lack, or the cold, of which there is no lack. No – the sign that Christmas is only a few days away is the number of news reports about how much we are spending, (or not) and how fast we are spending it.
It seems that “average” kiwi is spending about $500 on Christmas this year. Of course – there’s absolutely no information on how they averaged it – but $500 doesn’t sound like a lot.
Worryingly – we are having a rather “frugal” Christmas this year – basically because we are saving up to get the area around our swimming pool extended, and we didn’t have quite enough to do it this year. And yet we have still spent just over $500 each, and that doesn’t include about $150 on extra Alcohol and food. And of course – the amount is low because we made the most of the awful exchange rate, and bought the books at Amazon.co.uk – which saved a few hundred dollars.
Mind you – we have spent considerably less than usual, and mostly of that’s down to the fact that we really don’t “Go Christmas Shopping” anymore. None of us are what you could call Shopaholics, and the mere thought of having to shop along with hoards of others just tends to turn us all a bit queasy.
The biggest thing though is our recent aversion to “stuff”. Having got rid of so much of it before emigrating – we all just have a hard time accumulating more of it. Instead, we use Christmas as an excuse to spoil each other with books – something that we don’t buy anywhere nears as many of during year now that live in a world without “3 for 2″ offers, and discount books.
So on the upside, I still have about $1000 left of my Christmas savings (I save $200 a month towards it) – which will mean I should be able to afford the concreting in time for next summer. In the meantime, I have a few days of cooking scrummy treats for the family, and not panicking about where to park.
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